October 20, 2015
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On Relationships
My mom, my sister and two of her daughters are all avowed single women. They have been in relationships with men during their lifetimes, but after discarding the last one (or what appears to be the last semi-permanent man) they live contentedly alone. In their youth, they were serially monogamous but as they matured they decided that they were better off without the irritations of sharing space with another annoying person, and face it; we are ALL annoying. Even if the worst habit your husband has is a propensity to leave the dining room chair pulled out rather than tucking it neatly beneath the table, at certain times of the month, he's still irritating.
One of my nieces and I are the only ones with mates and our mates are both difficult men. Of course, when the single women in the family have occasion to observe our relationships, it reinforces their satisfaction with their single status. They can't resist gloating a bit when our mates are particularly assholeish and at that moment we are at a disadvantage. It's almost impossible to think of a single redeeming quality in one's mate when he has just proven himself beyond all doubt to be the most cold-hearted, insensitive, self-centered jerk on the planet.
So, I was inspired this morning, to describe a moment between mates that would normally be forgotten as soon as it passed. In every relationship there are thousands of these moments that cement the bond but they are so insignificant that we take them for granted. Here is a sample of what a single person misses:
There was an episode of Seinfeld where George was trying to cram all of life's pleasures into one moment. For him it was having sex while watching TV, and eating. I'm not as gifted at multi-tasking as George so I contented myself with performing that most essential morning ablution while listening to Mike play a lovely piece of music on his most recently finished classical guitar. Ah, it was sublime! Later, we shared a laugh over something that only he and I would get. It was one of those ephemeral moments where your heart expands with the joy of having another soul on earth who connects with you effortlessly. Someone who doesn't even notice that you don't close the bathroom door; someone who thinks you're sexy at sixty; someone who loves your cats as much as you do; someone who brings home twice as many impatiens as you asked him to because he knows what a tightwad you are and that twice as many will be just the amount you need to fill in that ring around the china berry tree.
Next time my sister wonders aloud why I tolerate the foibles of a man I'm going to send her a link to this post.
Comments (7)
You are so right that we are all difficult sometime. The trick is allowing the sometime to slide away and not become all the time. It is wonderful to come home and receive a hug after a bad day at work or to thrill at the same sunset. Sometimes it is worth all the riches of the world to know you are safe and loved - even (and especially) when you have a terrible head cold!
I have experienced both living with a man, and without. There are positives and drawbacks to each situation.
Now, when you say ablution ... see this is the part where I got lost. Some use the term to mean toenail clipping, others to denote a religious practice. I don't want to be a nit picker, but could you clarify a little? Does it have anything to do with fabric freshener? Just a guess.
@murisopsis: I get the impression that you enjoy an uncommonly satisfying relationship with Sparky and I admit I was thinking of you when I wrote this. You're right, holding grudges has no place in a marriage, nor does score keeping. If you get into that habit, the relationship is doomed. Better to get in the habit of appreciating those "sunset" moments.
@Crystalinne: But you don't say what you prefer. I always prefer the situation I'm in.
@we_deny_everything: I have a friend who suffers from chronic constipation. She maintains that a good bowel movement is as good as an orgasm. I'm not sure how she feel about toenail clipping.
Good one! In general, we tend to neglect the positives and focus so much more on the negatives...
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